Heartland Faith

She made a mistake and married the wrong man.

Once the vows were said, she had to keep them. After all, they were said to God just as much as to her loser, neglectful husband.

And so for fifteen years and four children, Carmen Davis stayed true, kept her word and did her level best to love the man she married.

But she never forgot the man who could make her heart race and whose life was as straight and true as it had promised to be in high school.

Preston Emerson would never love another. He wasn’t the kind of man who could fall for anyone. And it was better to stay single than to be married to one woman while he constantly fought off thinking about another.

After all, the woman he’d fallen in love with had married another.

He could stay away from her, but he couldn’t keep from helping her.

But then one day a single decision changes their lives. The past comes back. Secrets come out and in the virtual storm a love that had been dormant bursts to life.

Will they bank on faith and take a second chance at love?

Chapter 1

How much longer, Lord?

Carmen Davis sat at her kitchen table, her Bible open in
front of her, a notebook and pencil in her hand.

The light from above the stove was the only illumination in the
room.

It was four o’clock in the morning and still dark outside.

God was silent.

The way He always was when she asked that question.

I’ve been faithful. I loved him unselfishly,
unconditionally, despite the fact that he’s never returned anything I’ve ever
given him.

I’ve never quit.

There were times where she got discouraged. For sure. After
the birth of each of their children stood out as glaring examples. She’d been
tired and sore and dealing with a newborn, and her husband had never helped,
hadn’t been around, hadn’t even stopped at the store and picked up milk for her.

If he had helped with housework, it would have been fine, if
he would have given her some kind of support, acted happy to have a baby, acted
like he even knew she’d had a baby.

But Michael always acted like having a baby was no big deal
and that she should be able to take care of everything easily. Almost like it
wasn’t his kid and he didn’t need to be concerned about anything.

Like she was Superwoman.

She could almost convince herself that he believed she was.
That was a compliment, wasn’t it?

God, sometimes I just want someone to care about me.
Someone to hold me. Someone to cherish me, to compliment me, to…do things with
me.

Silence again.

She’d been alone for so much of her marriage. For all of the
things she had to do with the children anyway. Michael didn’t hesitate to ask
or, more likely, demand that she do what he wanted when he was home from work

As a long-haul truck driver, he was often gone for five
nights and sometimes a week or two at a time, depending on his dispatch.

He didn’t typically call her when he was gone, unless he
wanted her to do something for him.

She’d talked to him about that, but nothing had ever
changed. She’d given up. On that and so much more.

It made her feel like he didn’t care.

Like he wasn’t thinking about her.

She’d kind of gotten over that, kind of grown up to the
point where she didn’t need to have someone giving her all her schoolgirl
dreams and had come to face the reality that her marriage would never be that.

So why did she stay?

God, I want to walk. I want to walk so bad.

Doesn’t your word mean anything?

God knew how to get her. She wanted to be considered someone
who kept their word. How could she make a vow, break it, and still be
considered someone who kept their word?

But that was her living for man’s praise.

How could she make a vow to God and not keep it?

Bottom line: she couldn’t.

Is your happiness more important than his salvation?

This was another question God used on her over the years. Michael
professed to be a saved man, but his life had never changed. If he’d had a
conversion, there was no evidence. The Bible was clear: if there was no fruit,
there was no salvation.

Michael had never shown fruit.

God, he’s a liar. I hate liars. But I’ve stood with him,
stood beside him, stayed true. How much longer?

God never answered her how much longer question.

She wanted to point out Abigail and her wicked husband Nabal.
How David had come to their prosperous farm and asked for provisions for his
troops in exchange for the protection he was offering them, and how Nabal had
wickedly told David no.

Abigail had seen the folly of her husband’s answer and had
gone behind her husband’s back, gathering the food for David’s troops and
delivering them to him herself, sparing the lives of herself and all of the
people on their property.

God had seen the wickedness of Nabal and the goodness of
Abigail and had struck Nabal down.

Carmen loved that story. Loved the idea that a woman could
be godly, even if her husband was not. Loved the encouragement that if she did
right, maybe someday…someday she would be…free?

If I’m going to be alone all the time, why do I have to
cook and clean and be at my husband’s beck and call? I would be better off
unmarried, since what benefit is marriage to me? I get nothing out of it.

She didn’t even know why she used that argument on God,
because He always had a great argument to come back with.

Is your life about yourself? Your happiness? Is that all
you care about? Is that all you’re looking for?

He didn’t have to ask all these questions, but Carmen knew
if she wanted to answer any of them correctly, she had to stay. Because she
didn’t want her life to be about herself and her happiness and what she wanted.

She didn’t want to be selfish, never thinking about anyone
else. And that was the bottom line.

Because she knew, she wasn’t sure how she knew, but she
knew, that if she truly asked the Lord to release her from her husband, He would.

Because He loved her, and He didn’t want to see her suffer,
and she knew, she had absolute faith, that all she needed to do was to tell the
Lord she’d had enough and to truly mean it.

But she couldn’t.

She felt that question in her mind over and over again, do
you really want out? Like God was asking her that, a challenge almost.
Because, yes, she really wanted out, but…

If I stay, promise me that he’ll be saved. Promise me
that this isn’t in vain. Promise me that if I stay in this marriage, Michael will
be convicted and converted and become a true child of Yours, that he’ll spend
eternity in heaven. That me staying in this marriage means one soul saved from
hell. I’ll do it, if that’s what I get in return.

Every time, she felt peace and assurance that God would
reward her faithfulness with Michael’s salvation. That if she stayed, if she
didn’t walk out on her marriage like she wanted to do more than anything, God
would save her husband. She didn’t hate anyone enough to want them to spend an eternity
in hell.

All of her suffering, her loneliness, her longing for
someone to love her, to cherish her, to want her, to think about her and
remember her, to make her important to him…all the things she wanted when she
got married, if giving up all of those things was what it took in order to
ensure Michael’s salvation…she would stay.

Carmen? God’s soft whisper came to her, just a gentle
touch on her ear. Aren’t I enough? I cherish you. I pursue you. I want you.
I want to spend time with you. I love you. Isn’t that enough?

Carmen touched the Bible pages, wet from her tears, and she
bit her lip.

God, I want You to be enough. Please, show me You are
enough. Let me feel it.